I Watched It Begin Again

I believe in soul mates and that everyone has someone out there to love and to love them, you just need to find them at the right place at the right time.

I think of my parents as a happy couple. Of course there are small squabbles from time to time, but that's normal after being together for around 25 years and a little less for marriage. They were high school sweethearts and got married a few years after high school and then after that, had me. They've always had a relationship where if there was something wrong or a disagreement that they would be able to sort it out together. My parents love each other and tell me that they could never see themselves with anyone else. I think they will be together forever, but divorce national divorce rate may argue otherwise.

My parents would probably do well in Dr. Gottman's interview to determine if a married couple would stand the test of time. His factors for relationship success are determined by these variables: 

1. Expression of fondness/affection2. Expression of negativity towards spouse3. Expressiveness vs. withdrawal4. We-ness vs. Seperateness (how much they identify as part of the couple) 5. Level of traditionality regarding gender roles6. How couple reported dealing with conflict: Volatility, Chaos, or Glorifying the Struggle7. Marital Disappointment or Disillusionment

Once these variables have been assessed, Gottman and his colleagues can determine three year out if a couple's relationship will last at its present point with a 94% accuracy. 

 The national first marriage divorce rate is up to 50% in today's world. Studies by Slater and Gordon also show that divorces aren't just something that happens out of nowhere. People that want a divorce, on average, think about getting one over two year prior to pulling the plug on it. I think that is kind of sad that while one person thinks things are great, the other is contemplating leaving them forever. Studies show that during those two years that about 18 months of it is trying to mend the cracks in their relationship. Alas, most attempts fail and end in separation.

Even after a couple is divorced, their rate for a second and third marriage divorce increases as high as  73% chance. These are pretty grim statistics. With numbers like these, do some people give up hope on finding love? I would say that they might.

Some people just give up on their chances at love and feel that in today's society that they could live alone just fine.

Is divorce really the end all, be all of a relationship of two people who had so much intimacy and passion towards each other? Is that love still there? 

It can be!

Studies have shown that 10% of divorcees remarry their former spouses and 72% of those couple remain together until death does part them. A good example of this rekindling light are my grandparents. My grandparents married very young and have my mom and aunt (twins) a very short time after their marriage. With inexperience, hard times, two girls, and money troubles; love and compassion for each other wasn't enough to make their marriage last forever. They managed a remarkable 19 years together before they finally split. 

A few years after, my grandfather remarried my step grandmother and my grandmother had a partner that she lived with. I grew up for half my life knowing them at separate entities, different people in different worlds. I never thought anything of it since I didn't know them before their divorce. They didn't have any animosity towards each other so I never saw conflict with them and that was fine by me.

Their love never died, it was only put on hold.

 Little did I know that something surprising would happen and bring them back together.

In 2003 I believe, my grandmother's house burned down and she and her partner lost just about everything. Once the house was redone, in 2006, and my grandmother sold it and moved up to the same area as my parents and myself. Her partner didn't like the cold and was against staying there long term so after about a year he left to go back to southern New York. In 2005, an unsuspected tragedy occurred and my step grandmother passed away from a sudden medical ailment.

 

By 2006, both of my mother's parents were single again, that's when they came into contact.

From then on they started talking very often and making trips to each other's houses in New York and Rhode Island. They would be together for all of the big holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving. The best part of it all was when my mother almost cried when she received a birthday card that was signed by both of her parents. Over 15 years had gone by without something so special as a jointly signed card. They said that they would never get married again, but eventually time lent a hand and brought theirs together in holy matrimony in December 2013. They are now a happily retired, remarried couple living on the beaches of Rhode Island.

My grandparents together again

Statistics say that 72% of couple that remarry their former spouse will stay with them. I am 100% sure that my grandparents will be part of that 72%.