Connected at the Hip?

Attachment parenting is a hot topic among psychologists, and parents alike. 

What is attachment parenting? 

Attachment parenting is typically an extremely close relationship of child and mother. The mother will breastfeed her child, on demand, sometimes until they are toddlers at age 3, 4 or even 5. The mother will perform 'baby wearing' which is always carrying the baby either in a sling, a carrier in the front, a backpack for behind, or in a hip attachment as seen above. In attachment parenting, co-sleeping is also a popular method used to ensure bonding.

The next question after this explanation would probably be: 

Who created this idea of parenting? 

TIME magazine writer Kate Pickert, wrote an article in May that made the cover staring attachment parenting and the doctor that created it, Dr. William "Bill" Sears.

Dr. Bill Sears (right) and wife Martha (left)

Dr. Sears is known as the father of attachment parenting. He is the author of over 40 books on child-rearing and pregnancy. Sears' is best known for his 'tome', as Pickert describes it, a 750+ paged parenting manual known as The Baby Book that his wife Martha also helped with writing. This book, however, wasn't written based on Sears' own experience but more of a 'reaction' to his childhood. Sears and his wife did not have their theories of attachment parenting come to life as children themselves. Sears's father abandoned him as an infant; Martha's father died when she was a child and her mother was mentally ill.

As the couple that founded the theory of having a close relationship to your children had anything but that. It has been concluded that it is because they did not have the loving family they wanted that they would create one for their children in their upbringing, and thus, attachment parenting was born.

Attachment parenting is very controversial as it is very anti-feminist. 

This practice expects women to carry their baby, feed their baby, and sleep with their baby in order to have the set connection possible with their baby. This practice can also leave dad out of the picture a lot since methods such as breastfeeding, even after teeth have developed, should be done straight from the breast and shouldn't be pumped to ensure the best mother-child connection.

Nutritional benefits of breast milk vs. formula

I think that breastfeeding is something that everyone should do, but I don't see a problem with pumping the milk for later use. Pumping the breast milk encourages a stronger father-child connection when the child can see the father's face when feeding them as well as the mother's. Breast milk is much better for children than formula because the baby can get vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients that can't alway be dehydrated and crushed up to make a powdered substance for consumption as that is basally what formula is. I think that breastfeeding should be done for at least the first year and a half, maybe two due to the nutrients that babies will receive from the mother's milk. Breastfeeding and pumping are also all around more beneficial economically.

Cost benefits of breast milk vs formula

If it is done for longer that that, then, I think more pumping should be involved and it should be used as a vitamin supplement if say the child just doesn't like vegetables yet, who knows. A personal benefit of the mother continuing breastfeeding is that the 'baby weight' gained during pregnancy will slide right off as breastfeeding can burn a few hundred calories a day since the baby is using it for their energy. Continuing breast feeding or pumping can also prevent monthly menstruation as well as a pretty decent form of birth control, though as all others out there, not 100% effective.

Another big part in attachment parenting is baby wearing or carrying that has critics about it, including myself. I think that babies do need that bonding with their parents that is received when they are being rocked and carried as it shows the child that they are wanted and loved which is the goal of attachment parenting, to ensure this bond is formed and sealed as stated in the Attachment Parenting International website where it talks about caring for the child in the first paragraph. I don't see how this can be necessarily healthy though, once the child is able to walk, for the mother to constantly be holding their child. 

When thinking anatomically about carrying a child on your hip, many mothers have to shift their weight to the child's side and 'throw their hip out' to support the child. This weight shifting is putting more pressure on one side of the body and also leaving the hips at an unnatural angle under this pressure for long periods of time as well as the back being slights curves in a left or right position, and the knee locked in place, which is also unnatural for long periods of time. I myself have carried babies this way and I know that my back becomes sore along with my hips and sometimes my knees from carrying children this way for a long time. 

The typical carrying method for infants on a mothers hip.

After my experiences, I think that children should be carried and coddled when they are infants, but as the child ages and grows bigger, I think they should start to be carried less. I realize that there are many devices to carry babies on some part of a mother, but if attachment parenting is about a natural connection and natural upbringings, then shouldn't there not be a use for those artificial devices? I think not. Strollers, I think, are the best way to go when a child is to heavy to carry but still too small to walk for a long time on their own.

Strollers are good for infants and toddlers alike.

The bonding continues with attachment parenting, from the breast, to the hip, now into the bed the babies will go with their parents in a practice called 'co-sleeping'. Co-sleeping is when the mother, father, and their children sleep in the same bed, every night until they are ready for a "big kid bed" which can be as late as age 8 or 9 in some cases. A blog post in The Mommy Files talks about this interesting phenomenon that has been increasing in popularity since the 70s and 80s when it became more widely accepted to sleep in the same bed as your child. Blogger of The Mommy Files, Amy Graff considers the question of whether or not sex is acceptable in the family bed in her post.

A few co-sleeping positions with some humorous names.

Starting with the co-sleeping itself, I think that it is acceptable for a child to sleep with parents when they are infants. When I read that there are little 'side carts' for beds for infants I became more than certain in my opinion that infants should be close to the mother, especially if she is breastfeeding, then it would make it easier to do so in the middle of the night. If a parent feels uncomfortable with the baby so close with possibilities such as blanket suffocation then they should place the baby in a crib, but still keeping them in the same room for better monitoring of the child. I think that at around the age of two, maybe three, that the child should 'graduate' from being with mommy and daddy in the bed and sleep alone in their own room and go on from there to be moved from a crib to a 'big kid bed'.

I think co-sleeping is a good idea. I also think that sex is a healthy behavior, especially for married couples that want children. I do not support both happening simultaneously in the same room at all what-so-ever. 

I am sure that some of you can think back to when you were children and to hear some strange noises coming from the other room or peeked into mommy and daddy's room when they thought you were asleep and saw them doing a very strange act to you. That was possibly a pretty scarring event, wasn't it? Now, think about how it might effect a child's mentality to wake up to it happening right next to them. The sight, the sound, maybe even the smells could really effect the child's relationship, not only with the parents, but maybe even other adults. It doesn't matter if the baby is sleeping, they can still hear it, their brains are still functioning while unconscious. Having sex with your child in the room is comparable to a college roommate bringing someone home to get busy with while you're sleeping on the other side of the room!

It's embarrassing, rude, and totally unacceptable in my opinion.

Overall, I think that there are many variations and different levels to attachment parenting for any situation in a parent-child relationship. As anything, it is best to do what you think is right for you.