Right, Wrong, Maybe... but WHY?

Morality is a tricky subject to talk about. Many wonder what makes something "good" and what makes something else "bad." Think of stealing a loaf of bread. Most people would say that steal is wrong and it should not occur. Now, think of Jean Valjean in Les Miserables, he stole bread in order to fed his family as they were poor and starving and was punished. I know I didn't think it was right for him to go to prison for so many years for stealing a loaf of bread. What about his family, did they die from starvation when Jean never returned? Do you think this was still wrong of him to do? He stole, but he did it for the right for his family to be fed, isn't that a good answer? I'd say so, but not everyone agrees.

Moral psychology has long been dominated by rationalist models of moral judgment. A rationalist's approach to morality is thought that moral judgements and knowledge are reached mainly through the process of reasoning and reflection. Moral emotions such as sympathy may sometimes be part of the reasoning process, but moral emotions are not the direct causes of moral judgments. In rationalist models one briefly becomes a judge before passing judgment on a specific case of possible wrong doing such as to steal or not to steal the bread. 

Lawrence Kohlberg

Lawrence Kohlberg, developed a method to look at the stages of reasoning that lead to decision making. Kohlberg created a study that involved an interview and a fictional scenario. In the scenario a man named Heinz was placed in a moral dilemma when he needed a particular drug that would save his wife's life, but the drug store refused to sell it to him.

After participants read this scenario, they were asked whether Heinz should steal the drug or not. He follows the rationalist modle because he believes people reason about their actions and then come to a conclusion about what they should do. With this study, Kohlberg used the participants answer and explanation to develop a set of stages for morality, there are three categories and then two sub-categories for each level. The higher the level of morality, typically means the more intelligence in thinking.

Kohlberg's Moral Stages

There were a few flaws that were in this study that could make it less viable such as the group of participants were all white males in private school. There were also only forty participants in this study which does not give a good variety of the population either. The lack of variation in the participants reduces the accuracy of the processes.

Jonathan Haidt

A newer theory tot hinting about moral psychology is with a model called the Social Intuition Model created by psychologist Jonathan Haidt that focuses his research on morality. Haidts idea of Social Intuition is that people use their intuition to make decisions and not reasoning. In his paper, The Emotional Dog and its Rational Tail: A Social Intuitionist Approach to Moral Judgment, Haidt describes the differences between moral reasoning and moral intuition. Moral reasoning is the conscious act of mentally reconfiguring information of people that make moral judgments. Moral intuition is the unconscious conclusion of moro judgment that includes a strong emotional connection. As this is unconscious, people do not realize that this process is occurring.

The best way I can understand how Haidt is thinking is through this chart from the Time website that was written by Jonathan Haidt himself to explain more of his theory that many people have criticized.

The scenario that Haidt creates in his paper is one of a brother and sister that, while in France, decide to explore their sexuality and make love to each other, afterwards they feel closer and aren negatively effected at all by this experience. They are both cautions and each use a form of birth control. After reading this, the participants in this study were asked if this was right or wrong of them to do. Most people would that it is unacceptable and morally wrong, the next question is why, and that is what trips people up in their answer and are then placed into the 'dumfounding' category in the the top left.

 The siblings are in France where incest is legal so there isn't an issue with the law, they are both using a form of birth control so the possibly of a child with deformities is slim to none (and if there was a pregnancy she could get an abortion), and neither of them are negatively effected emotionally by this act. This leads to the final answer one might think of "it's wrong because its gross," but where does that fit in on Kohlberg's chart? Answer: It doesn't, but it does fit with Haidt's, which has a totally different view on morality.

Okay that's great that one chart explains the answer and one doesn't, but, where does this leave morality?

Tamier Sommers goes further to analyze Haidt's experiment and discovered that human make a decision on a conclusion for a situation but they skip over the "why" until possibly asked. Haidt brings up situations similar to the sibling scenario that William Saletan describes in his article about the theory. Some of the question that may interfere with the thought of morality are questions like "Is it wrong to have sex with a dead chicken? How about with your sister? Is it O.K. to defecate in a urinal? If your dog dies, why not eat it?" These question explore the dilemmas of "what is right and what is wrong."

With this in mind, how are we able to decide on what is "right" and what is "wrong"? Was it right in the end for Jean Valjean to steal the bread or was he justly punished? Should the siblings be allowed to perform incest or is it really a bad action? With keeping in mind Kohlberg's the stages of morals, we must also have the options of our personal judgment whether they have evidence or not in order to see as many sides of an 'iffy' situation as we can.

I Watched It Begin Again

I believe in soul mates and that everyone has someone out there to love and to love them, you just need to find them at the right place at the right time.

I think of my parents as a happy couple. Of course there are small squabbles from time to time, but that's normal after being together for around 25 years and a little less for marriage. They were high school sweethearts and got married a few years after high school and then after that, had me. They've always had a relationship where if there was something wrong or a disagreement that they would be able to sort it out together. My parents love each other and tell me that they could never see themselves with anyone else. I think they will be together forever, but divorce national divorce rate may argue otherwise.

My parents would probably do well in Dr. Gottman's interview to determine if a married couple would stand the test of time. His factors for relationship success are determined by these variables: 

1. Expression of fondness/affection2. Expression of negativity towards spouse3. Expressiveness vs. withdrawal4. We-ness vs. Seperateness (how much they identify as part of the couple) 5. Level of traditionality regarding gender roles6. How couple reported dealing with conflict: Volatility, Chaos, or Glorifying the Struggle7. Marital Disappointment or Disillusionment

Once these variables have been assessed, Gottman and his colleagues can determine three year out if a couple's relationship will last at its present point with a 94% accuracy. 

 The national first marriage divorce rate is up to 50% in today's world. Studies by Slater and Gordon also show that divorces aren't just something that happens out of nowhere. People that want a divorce, on average, think about getting one over two year prior to pulling the plug on it. I think that is kind of sad that while one person thinks things are great, the other is contemplating leaving them forever. Studies show that during those two years that about 18 months of it is trying to mend the cracks in their relationship. Alas, most attempts fail and end in separation.

Even after a couple is divorced, their rate for a second and third marriage divorce increases as high as  73% chance. These are pretty grim statistics. With numbers like these, do some people give up hope on finding love? I would say that they might.

Some people just give up on their chances at love and feel that in today's society that they could live alone just fine.

Is divorce really the end all, be all of a relationship of two people who had so much intimacy and passion towards each other? Is that love still there? 

It can be!

Studies have shown that 10% of divorcees remarry their former spouses and 72% of those couple remain together until death does part them. A good example of this rekindling light are my grandparents. My grandparents married very young and have my mom and aunt (twins) a very short time after their marriage. With inexperience, hard times, two girls, and money troubles; love and compassion for each other wasn't enough to make their marriage last forever. They managed a remarkable 19 years together before they finally split. 

A few years after, my grandfather remarried my step grandmother and my grandmother had a partner that she lived with. I grew up for half my life knowing them at separate entities, different people in different worlds. I never thought anything of it since I didn't know them before their divorce. They didn't have any animosity towards each other so I never saw conflict with them and that was fine by me.

Their love never died, it was only put on hold.

 Little did I know that something surprising would happen and bring them back together.

In 2003 I believe, my grandmother's house burned down and she and her partner lost just about everything. Once the house was redone, in 2006, and my grandmother sold it and moved up to the same area as my parents and myself. Her partner didn't like the cold and was against staying there long term so after about a year he left to go back to southern New York. In 2005, an unsuspected tragedy occurred and my step grandmother passed away from a sudden medical ailment.

 

By 2006, both of my mother's parents were single again, that's when they came into contact.

From then on they started talking very often and making trips to each other's houses in New York and Rhode Island. They would be together for all of the big holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving. The best part of it all was when my mother almost cried when she received a birthday card that was signed by both of her parents. Over 15 years had gone by without something so special as a jointly signed card. They said that they would never get married again, but eventually time lent a hand and brought theirs together in holy matrimony in December 2013. They are now a happily retired, remarried couple living on the beaches of Rhode Island.

My grandparents together again

Statistics say that 72% of couple that remarry their former spouse will stay with them. I am 100% sure that my grandparents will be part of that 72%.